(If I'm stuck—which I am—should I be moving on to something else for now?)

I haven't blogged in a long time, but I'm sitting here in this surprisingly empty coffee shop with a steaming cup of earl grey tea and earphones in to block out the bad choice of music, and it seems like the perfect time to catch you up on what's going on.

I spent a lot of time home alone with my troublesome three-year-old this weekend while my husband was out showing houses, so this break of mine -- these couple hours that I can call my own -- feel like a breath of fresh air.

I know I have this annoying habit of being negative more often than not (which I'm working on every day, believe me). but here's the truth for ya.

Life is kind of insanely difficult right now.

Between my full-time job and writing I am busier than ever. Dom is even busier than I am. And my kid... well, lets just say that if I had known what three would be like, I wouldn't have been complaining about two.  Most days I'm fighting just to keep my head above water.

And to not drink all the wine.

I've been struggling with writing How To Be Someone Else lately. I've hit that oh-so-difficult part where you've written the thick of it, and you know the ending, but there's that section in the middle that just doesn't want to be written. Despite my best attempts I keep writing and re-writing. Typing and deleting, though I know I shouldn't be. I keep trying to remind myself that this first draft just needs to be written, and I can worry about the rest later. But goodness... it's not coming easily these days.

I hit the first goal I set for myself -- which was to hit 40k by June 10 (I hit it on the 6th) -- and I've set myself a new goal of 50k by the end of the month. I know it doesn't sound like much, but with how much I've been struggling lately, I'm not sure it will happen. But, I keep trudging along.

I had a late lunch with a new friend on Friday and she asked me how my writing was going. It definitely hurt to tell her that it wasn't going well. Admitting it to myself is one thing, but having to say it out loud is a whole new ball game.

Fortunately it wasn't anything that a purchase at Lululemon couldn't solve. #kiddingbutnotreallythough

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This past week we had one of our biggest authors in town. I spent a lot of time with him, his wife and my boss, talking about everything from writing to the Vietnam war, to the sad state of people these days. For the most part,  I'm a quiet, reserved person, but when we get on the topic of people doing shitty things and being shitty people, I get really worked up. I felt like my Italian husband, waving my arms in wide circles while I rattled on (seriously, Italians know how to use their hands in conversation).

I guess the timing of this is pretty shitty, considering what just happened in Orlando, but I've always been so disappointed/horrified/embarrassed/ashamed of all the horrific events that happen in this country. Honestly, anytime stuff like this goes down I miss Canada more and more. I could talk about it for hours on end, but suffice it to say, there are some really awful people out there in the world.

--

I attended a high school graduation party last night and ended up speaking with three recent graduates about what they want to do with their lives (god, how much do I hate that term!) and I was absolutely blown away by their thoughtful responses. If I think back to when I was 18 and fresh out of high school, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I'd only known -- like I've always known -- that I wanted to do something creative. Totally vague, right?

Anyway, these girls blew me away. I sat across from them, my legs crossed, enraptured in their stories. And I was envious, did I mention that? What I wouldn't give to go back to 18 and do things differently. And I wasn't just envious... I was full on jealous. That is until they told me they thought I was 27 or 28... then I just loved them. Screw envy, jealously... it ruins everything.

--

So I guess that about catches you up with what's been going on with me lately. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to get back to my earl grey tea and see if I can't make a dent in the last 9k of #HTBSE.

If you're interested in watching me awkwardly read a scene from my newest novel, How To Be Someone Else, you can catch me do so over on my author blog, now.

Writing a book is hard work. Writing a book while working and parenting full-time is even harder.

Here's a little glimpse at how most of my (work) days go.

5AM -- Open my eyes (usually on my own... no alarm necessary) and try to wake up. Get out of bed, pour myself some warm water with lemon, and settle down in the dark family room to write.

5:45-6:15AM -- Some time during this time, my three year old wakes up. Since my husband has already left for work, I'm on my own with getting him breakfast, changed and off to daycare.

8:15AM -- Back from daycare drop-off and my work day begins. I work from home and usually eat lunch at my desk. Sometimes, if I need a break, I will take my laptop into the backyard and write for a few minutes.

4:15PM -- My husband picks up our son from daycare and they immediately head out into the backyard to play while I try to write.

5:30PM -- I start on dinner and we all eat together. After dinner we spend time playing.

7:00PM -- Our son goes into the bath. Usually my husband does this while I tidy up downstairs. Maybe once a week, I head off to a coffee shop to get some writing done, though this hasn't been happening as of late...

7:45PM -- I watch an episode of Handy Manny on the iPad with my son in his bed and then it's lights out.

8:00PM -- If the hubby is up for it, we watch an episode of whatever TV show we're binge watching at the time. If he's out, or not interested, I will start writing.

9:00PM -- If I'm not too tired, I try to write.

9:30 - 10:00PM -- I am not a night owl, so usually by now I'm asleep, hoping for more time tomorrow to write.

And there you have it: the life of an author with a full-time job and a three-year-old.

TELL ME: WHAT DOES YOUR DAY LOOK LIKE?

I've gone through periods before where I'm stuck and can't seem to get anything written down. But this... this feels awfully different. Too different. Fresh off the heels of writing and publishing Losing Lily, I dove right into writing BEING LEAH, and to say that it has been an epic struggle would be an understatement.

Obviously, I know how this book is going to go:

Boy and Girl met in previous book; went through some stuff, but found a way to be together. Here is where their real story begins. Only it's not that simple. The past doesn't want to stay in the past. But in the end, love wins, because, hello... everyone wants a HEA (happily ever after). I could choose not to write it that way, but really... I just can't bring myself to. I love these characters. Even I am rooting for them.

This book has been coming along so slowly that I -- the pantser -- actually sat down for an afternoon and laid everything out, plotting my way around this and that. And now I have a plan.

I thought for sure that this would be the answer to my problems. But no.

Still nothing.

I'm not going to call it writer's block, because that feels like I'm letting it win. What I'm going to do is sit down tonight and dig in to it. I mean really dig in to it. And over the course of this week I'm going to see if I can give it the attention it deserves... if I can give it wings to fly... if it has legs...

You get the picture.

Please send all the coffee.

It should come as no surprise that I'm a little too addicted to staring at beautiful bookstagram accounts or getting glimpses into the lives of other writers that I admire. So, I've put together a list of instagram and twitter accounts that I'm really loving lately in the hopes that you might find something special in their posts as well.


BOOKSTAGRAMMERS

@bookbaristas - If you don't already know about this lady and her account then shame on you.

@crimebythebook - I blame Abby for getting me hooked on thriller/suspense novels. Plus, her photos are so dark and moody. I can't get enough.

@sweptawaybybooks - Alyssa's feed is like Abby's but the lighter, brighter version. I'm always curious to see what she's reading.


WRITERS ON INSTAGRAM


@authorrsgrey - Rachel (name sisters!) shares the perfect mixture of life and work photos. Seriously. I find myself getting lost in her feed a lot.

@emilybelden - Honestly, I follow Emily because I'm curious about her life... and I mean that in the least creepy way possible. But seriously, she's awesome. We had a DM conversation about my wedding bands the other day. She's a cool gal.

@colleenhoover - Colleen just makes me laugh; it's as simple as that.

@suzykrause - I adore this lady, and not just because I can email her complaining about how damn hard writing is and she will understand. I love the glimpses I get of her life, and even when she's writing about the seemingly mundane sides of life, I'm always in awe.


WRITERS ON TWITTER

@blotsandplots - I have a soft spot for miss Jenny, if you can't tell by now.  She has been someone I've gone to for advice and for beta reading and she has never let me down. If you're a writer (or aspiring writer) you need to be following Jenny. Enough said. And join her facebook group!

@shesnovel - Like Jenny, this is an account you need to be following if you're a writer as well. Kristen posts some seriously amazing stuff.

@emilyhenrywrite - Emilys' twitter feed makes me laugh, and I love how she pretty much responds to every tweet sent her way. I just read her book, The Love That Split The World and.... wow.

@kseniaanske - This woman amazes me, and her words and encouragement push me to be a better writer and reader. Follow her asap.

While I'm definitely not new to writing, I don't hide the fact that I'm new to the self-publishing game. Like many other indie authors that I know (Jenny Bravo is a great example), I'm wading my way through the pool, trying to figure out what works and what doesn't, and doing my best to share my experience along the way.

If you follow along here on the blog, Twitter or Instagram, then you know that I'm releasing my second book, Fixing Tanner, on February 23rd.

Today I'm going to offer two of you amazing readers a chance to win a digital ARC of the book! (don't know what that is? It means advanced reader copy!)

To enter: 

All you need to do is share my giveaway on social media and comment below with the link to where I can find your post. Easy right? And you're helping an indie author spread the news about her book, which you deserve a big 'ol hug for!

And while I've got you here, if you want to get occasional sneak peeks and exclusive content from me, you can sign up for my newsletter here.

The giveaway closes this Tuesday, February 9th at 11:59pm PT, and the winners will be announced on Wednesday.

WINNERS: Devon and Sue!

I take my seat on the worn, red chair with the sliver of sunlight shining on it, and pull my MacBook from my purse. I’ve positioned myself in the fiction section between shelves sixteen and seventeen, somewhere amongst Davis-Downs and Doyle-Evaristo. I can see the covers of Evanovich and Griffin, Grisham and Eugenides; the latter being one of my favorite recent reads. My love of writing is succeeded only by my love of reading, so it’s no real surprise that I like to settle in here at the library to write down the words swimming in my head. The only thing that would make this better is if I had a coffee in hand, but I drove right past three Starbucks on the way here without it crossing my mind.

I’ll have to do without. 

Yesterday my husband told me that he is in awe of the writing that I have done this year. He “doesn’t know how I do it.” Sometimes I’m tempted to agree with him, and find myself wonder how I do it day after day, but then I remember that I simply can’t not.

I’m a bit of a fritter-er. I jump from one thing to the next without much thought, without finishing one project. I used to think that it meant something was wrong with me, but something I read lately – of course, I read it – reminded me that it only means my interests are vast. I want to dip my toes in everything to see if it’s something I could like. A lot of the time it isn’t, and that’s okay; it’s oddly comforting to know that I at least tried. 

But sometimes that little dip of my toes isn’t enough, and I want to jump in. For years – most of my childhood and adult life, really – I was simply dipping my toes in when it came to writing. Until this year. 

Two thousand and fifteen. I jumped right in, feet first, became fully submerged. And I don’t think I can ever look back. 

Writers are always asked why they want to write. Do they want to be famous? Are they in it for the money? Maybe they want to write that book that they wish existed. Maybe they’re inspired by all the reading they do. 

I’m not sure where I fit in just yet. Right now, I’m just doing it for the love of the game. Maybe one day, years from now, I’ll settle in here at the library again; maybe I’ll look for the same spot, between shelves sixteen and seventeen, running my fingers along the cool, black shelving until finding what I came for: Del, Rachel. 

Wouldn’t that be a lovely sight? 

Wouldn’t that be a lovely feeling? 

Wouldn’t that just make all the hard work worth it? The late nights, the cramped hands, the long ago out of control coffee consumption, the missed outings with friends; wouldn’t it all be justified? 

I like to think so. 

And that’s why I keep writing, coffee or no coffee.

"All I know for certain is that this is how I want to spend my life - collaborating to the best of my ability with forces of inspiration that I can neither see, nor prove, nor command, nor understand.

It's a strange line of work, admittedly.

I cannot think of a better way to pass my days."

Let me just begin by saying that I can't believe this day is here. My contemporary romance novella, Finding Lily, is now officially for sale on Amazon!

The Synopsis:

Lily Gardner thought she'd found her soul mate when she met and married the handsome and well-off Thomas Gardner. But six years later, with a two-year-old in tow, she finds herself wading through the messy waters of divorce, and crying herself to sleep at night wondering if she's lost her chance at love... and herself in the process. When she's assigned the task of working with Nathan Trainor to reel in a popular author who is seeking new representation, she must put her troubles aside and do whatever it takes to get the job done.

At once touching and hopeful, FINDING LILY captures what it feels like to be given a second chance at life... and love.

--

You can purchase the ebook here and the paperback copy is also available. If you're interested in a signed copy, let me know: I may sell them in my etsy shop.

Cheers everyone, and thank you for joining me on this journey. It's about to get really interesting.

"I think of writing simply in terms of pleasure. It's the most important thing in my life: making things. Much as I love my husband and children, I love them only because I am the person who makes these things. And because that person does that all the time, that person is able to love all these people."

That's right, it's time for another writing update. Last month I was updating you on my debut novella, Finding Lily (which comes out on Amazon Kindle on Sept 22, and is available for pre order now). This month, I'm working on the sequel, Fixing Tanner.

For something a little different, I decided to make a quick video to give you an update on how things are going with #FindingLilyNovel. It should be titled something like "Me being awkward as I try to tell you about how hard the editing process is"

I've had a couple people tell me that I'm moving too fast. On one hand, I can understand why they feel that way, but on the other, I can't help but think: you don't know how long I've been working towards this point. There has always been a rattling against my ribs urging me to write. It's been there so long that it's simply a part of me now.

The first draft of #FindingLilyNovel poured out of me in the span of a month. The end is so near I can taste it. But I need people to read it. Why?

1. So that I can make the novella better. The more eyes I can get on this draft the better. Beta readers can find plot holes, tell you if they want to know more about a character (or less), tell you where they're confused and what they love.
2. So that they can point out what I cannot see because it's too close to me. There are scenes that I'm in love with that may, in the end, be of zero use the moving the story forward. Beta readers will likely pick up on this.
3. Because Ksenia Anske said to. And so did Jenny Bravo. 

I'm looking for my first round of beta readers now, so check out how to apply.
Edit: thank you to all who applied. Applications are now closed.

In the end all I want is a book that I can be proud of. Beta readers will help me to do that, and I assure you that they will help you too.

I've been quiet, but for good reason. To quote Suzy: "So, I'm writing a book."

It has flown out of me so organically that I almost can't believe it's nearly complete. To say that I'm one to start stories and never finish them is an understatement; and that is why, even if this book never sees the light of day, it will always be a huge accomplishment for me.

Soon, I will be editing... and that scares me more than writing this book ever has, because I'm afraid to look at it so closely that I could find holes. Though, I suppose that's the whole purpose to editing.

All of this is to say that I'll certainly come up for air soon. Until then, here are some words that I strung together to begin my book:


They weren’t always this way.

In fact, Lily and Thomas Gardner used to be happy. The kind of happy that made most people envious, sick to their stomachs, or likely some combination of the two.

Thomas was the first man Lily had ever deemed worthy to let all the way in to her life. Before him she had known only liars and cheats, boyfriends who worked too much or too little and didn’t know a healthy relationship from a hole in the wall.

The intensity in which Thomas pursued her in the beginning made her weak in the knees. All the flowers, the expensive dinners, the opening and closing of car doors, the intense eye contact, and texts throughout the day all culminated in one thing: her absolute undoing.