"A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014"
i try so, so hard not to be one of those mothers who compare timelines to other children. DJ learned to crawl and walk quite quickly, had two teeth at 5 months (and ten now, at 13 months) and says mama, dada and kitty. but. but but but. i was wondering when the pointing was going to come in. waiting waiting wondering wondering. and this week, i caught his first point on camera. this. this is why i love having my camera handy.
it's been too long since i've shared pages from my one little word 6x8 mini album. truth is, it has been on the side burner for a while until this past week where i finally finished up some of the incomplete pages that were sitting around. i'm falling in love with the album again, and that's a good thing.
spread 18.
i've always strived to be open, honest and real here in this space, and while that does often leave me feeling raw and vulnerable, i have found an awful lot of comfort in putting my thoughts out into the world and the response that i often receive when i do so. as such, i want to continue to only speak the truth, and not sugar coat my life in any way.
the truth is: as far back as i can remember, i have found it hard to maintain a solid level of happiness. i constantly ebb and flow. in fact, depression runs in my family - more specifically the women - and i have had a couple bouts in the past fifteen years.
when i am feeling unhappy, the first thing i often do is go out and buy some clothes, or new scrapbooking supplies, or something new for the house, thinking that i would feel better if only: i had nicer clothes, or a gorgeously decorated house. if only. if only. if only.
what i have come to realize lately is that everything i need to be a happier person is already inside of me. material possessions are not going to make a lick of a difference. in fact, once the shine factor wears off, i am left feeling guilty and stupid over spending the money in the first place.
everything that i need to be a happier person is already inside of me. i just have to find a way to bring it out. how do i do that? well, i think it begins with changing my attitude.
"I’m always happy with what I’m doing, because I don’t compare it to anything else, and instead pay close attention to the activity itself. I’m always happy with whoever I’m with, because I learn to see the perfection in every person. I’m always happy with where I am, because there’s no place on Earth that’s not a miracle.
life will suck if you are always wishing you are doing something else. life will rock if you realize you're already doing the best thing ever. "
- zen habits
i am making a conscious effort to be more present in my daily activities, to see the beauty in cleaning the kitchen and emptying the dishwasher.
i'm finding a way to prioritize the things that truly bring me joy, like spending time outside with my son, reading and writing.
i will begin writing a gratitude list each night before bed.
and instead of focusing on all the things that i want to change about myself, i'm going to begin focusing on the things about myself that i am happy with, because this unhappiness that i often feel begins and ends with me and my (often negative) attitudes towards myself and my life.
i'm ready to regain control of my life.
everything that i need to be a happier person is already inside of me.
xo,
rdg
"A portrait of my child, once a week, every week in 2014"
there are moments that i will always, always remember. watching dj take part in his first easter egg hunt will certainly be one of them.