I feel so fully that I am in the middle of something I can't control.
And I wake up every morning hoping that changes.
But it never does.
So maybe this is just how it's going to be,
for a little while longer anyway.

One of the songs on repeat as I write.

"I'm really nervous about meeting new people."

She said it first, before I had the chance. I had definitely been thinking it.

On the drive over, I went from turning the heat on to warm my cold hands, to cracking the windows to cool myself off. I was cold, but on the verge of sweating through my clothes.

This is typical Rachel behavior when it comes to meeting someone new. So imagine the relief when we'd just sat down to lunch and she told me she was nervous!

"That's funny, because earlier today I was telling Dom about how this should be interesting because we're both introverted, shy people," I said.

Suzy and I are friends in the sense that we've known each other online for some time, and have emailed back and forth for a while now. But getting to meet someone in person who you built a friendship with online is uniquely special. You feel as though you know them, know their family and what gets them out of bed in the morning, but getting to see them with your own eyes, getting to wrap your arms around them in a warm hug ... it just can't be beat.

We ordered the same meal for lunch. I pulled toy cars out of my purse for her son to play with. She finished off my sweet potato fries when I couldn't eat them all. We talked about writing, about parenting, about where we live and what we do for fun. And I thought, here's a girl I could spend the day with and never get bored.

Suzy has a contagious smile. I swear that just being in close proximity to her made me feel happy and relaxed.

After lunch, she asked me to go on the search for donuts with her, which I would surely have done had I not had piles of work to do (oh, that's right, I have a full-time job....). We said our goodbyes and off I went towards the parking garage.

And then I remembered I had wanted to take a photo of Suzy and I.

Damn.

I turned on my heels, heading for the monorail. Out the door, around the corner, up the humorously tall escalator ... but they were gone.

I turned the radio off in the car on the way home, wanting to be alone with my thoughts.

For two shy, young women, we did pretty well for ourselves.

++

Go check out these photos she took of Vegas. I told her at lunch that she has encouraged me to go out and see more of this city that I have lived in for nearly six (!!) years.

It begins with coffee, always.

Well, I suppose before there can be coffee, there has to be the act of waking, of climbing out of bed and trudging down the stairs. In a perfect world, this would be done before my toddler is awake, so that I can enjoy the quiet darkness before the day truly begins.

I would make a coffee, sit on the couch and open a book... whatever I happen to be reading. I would read for twenty minutes, and then, with likely a lukewarm half cup of coffee, head into the office to write.

I would write, and write... and write.

And then my son would wake up, and together he and my husband would come downstairs, wiping sleep from their eyes, requesting breakfast. We would eat together as a family, this perfect little family of three, just the way it's meant to be.

There would be a second cup of coffee, because, #addicted, and then -- because it's my ideal morning (and therefore not necessarily reality) -- I would go for a walk around the neighborhood because it's the perfect temperature out and my iPhone is shuffling through the perfect mix of music to keep me going.

And then, a warm shower, the application of mascara and blush, and kisses for my boys as they head off for their day.

Here's what I read in July:

WASTED WORDS BY STACI HART

This was my first Staci Hart read and it certainly won't be the last. This kind of genre fiction is my favorite: something I can get lost in. Something that makes me smile. Makes me feel. I really liked this book and can't wait to read more of her work.


BECOMING BY LAURA JANE WILLIAMS

Loved this one so much that I wrote a full review about it, here.



WE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL BY SWAN HUNTLEY

This book was, much like its cover, incredible. I was pulled into the world of the characters right away, finding so much about the book very relatable. WCBB is an epic story of love and greed that leaves you wanting more.



I LET YOU GO BY CLARE MACKINTOSH

I had heard so much about this book, and was excited to read it. So when I got the email notice from my library that it was my turn to read the ebook, I was thrilled. I jumped in with both feet, completely in awe. I Let You Go was well written and had me staying up late for three nights reading it. It was engaging and kept me guessing for the most part (I will admit that some of it was predictable, but it's pretty much impossible NOT to have some predictability). That twist in the middle, though... that one got me :) A GREAT read.



MOONSHOT BY ALESSANDRA TORRE

This was my first Alessandra Torre book, and certainly not be my last. Moonshot had me hooked and I read it in a few spurts over a span of a few days. Great read. I've gone and purchased two more of her books (in paperback this time). I so wish I'd bought the gorgeous paperback of this one instead of the eBook...

I haven't blogged in a long time, but I'm sitting here in this surprisingly empty coffee shop with a steaming cup of earl grey tea and earphones in to block out the bad choice of music, and it seems like the perfect time to catch you up on what's going on.

I spent a lot of time home alone with my troublesome three-year-old this weekend while my husband was out showing houses, so this break of mine -- these couple hours that I can call my own -- feel like a breath of fresh air.

I know I have this annoying habit of being negative more often than not (which I'm working on every day, believe me). but here's the truth for ya.

Life is kind of insanely difficult right now.

Between my full-time job and writing I am busier than ever. Dom is even busier than I am. And my kid... well, lets just say that if I had known what three would be like, I wouldn't have been complaining about two.  Most days I'm fighting just to keep my head above water.

And to not drink all the wine.

I've been struggling with writing How To Be Someone Else lately. I've hit that oh-so-difficult part where you've written the thick of it, and you know the ending, but there's that section in the middle that just doesn't want to be written. Despite my best attempts I keep writing and re-writing. Typing and deleting, though I know I shouldn't be. I keep trying to remind myself that this first draft just needs to be written, and I can worry about the rest later. But goodness... it's not coming easily these days.

I hit the first goal I set for myself -- which was to hit 40k by June 10 (I hit it on the 6th) -- and I've set myself a new goal of 50k by the end of the month. I know it doesn't sound like much, but with how much I've been struggling lately, I'm not sure it will happen. But, I keep trudging along.

I had a late lunch with a new friend on Friday and she asked me how my writing was going. It definitely hurt to tell her that it wasn't going well. Admitting it to myself is one thing, but having to say it out loud is a whole new ball game.

Fortunately it wasn't anything that a purchase at Lululemon couldn't solve. #kiddingbutnotreallythough

--

This past week we had one of our biggest authors in town. I spent a lot of time with him, his wife and my boss, talking about everything from writing to the Vietnam war, to the sad state of people these days. For the most part,  I'm a quiet, reserved person, but when we get on the topic of people doing shitty things and being shitty people, I get really worked up. I felt like my Italian husband, waving my arms in wide circles while I rattled on (seriously, Italians know how to use their hands in conversation).

I guess the timing of this is pretty shitty, considering what just happened in Orlando, but I've always been so disappointed/horrified/embarrassed/ashamed of all the horrific events that happen in this country. Honestly, anytime stuff like this goes down I miss Canada more and more. I could talk about it for hours on end, but suffice it to say, there are some really awful people out there in the world.

--

I attended a high school graduation party last night and ended up speaking with three recent graduates about what they want to do with their lives (god, how much do I hate that term!) and I was absolutely blown away by their thoughtful responses. If I think back to when I was 18 and fresh out of high school, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I'd only known -- like I've always known -- that I wanted to do something creative. Totally vague, right?

Anyway, these girls blew me away. I sat across from them, my legs crossed, enraptured in their stories. And I was envious, did I mention that? What I wouldn't give to go back to 18 and do things differently. And I wasn't just envious... I was full on jealous. That is until they told me they thought I was 27 or 28... then I just loved them. Screw envy, jealously... it ruins everything.

--

So I guess that about catches you up with what's been going on with me lately. Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to get back to my earl grey tea and see if I can't make a dent in the last 9k of #HTBSE.

It's that time of the year when I start daydreaming about all the vacations I'm not going to get to take this summer, LOL. Well, that's not entirely fair seeing as I spent three glorious child-free days in La Jolla, CA with my hubby at the end of April, and just came back from four days in my Canadian hometown. Let's just say that's probably it for the holidays until at least the fall.

Regardless, there's one thing I love about vacations -- besides getting away from the norm -- and that's vacation reads.

Here are a list of 6 books I've read that are perfect to take on vacation no matter where you go.

2. THE VACATIONEERS BY EMMA STRAUB
From Amazon: For the Posts, a two-week trip to the Balearic island of Mallorca with their extended family and friends is a celebration: Franny and Jim are observing their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, and their daughter, Sylvia, has graduated from high school. The sunlit island, its mountains and beaches, its tapas and tennis courts, also promise an escape from the tensions simmering at home in Manhattan. But all does not go according to plan: over the course of the vacation, secrets come to light, old and new humiliations are experienced, childhood rivalries resurface, and ancient wounds are exacerbated.

3. FINDING LILY BY RACHEL DEL
From Amazon: Lily Gardner thought she'd found her soul mate when she met and married the handsome and well-off Thomas Gardner. But eight years later, with a two-year-old in tow, she finds herself wading through the messy waters of divorce, and crying herself to sleep at night wondering if she's lost her chance at love... and herself in the process. When she's assigned the task of working with Nathan Trainor to reel in a popular author who is seeking new representation, she must put her troubles aside and do whatever it takes to get the job done. At once touching and hopeful, FINDING LILY is a contemporary inspirational romance novella that captures what it feels like to be given a second chance at life... and love.

4. THE SUMMER GAMES: SETTLING THE SCORE BY R.S. GREY
From Amazon: As an Olympic rookie, Andie Foster has spent far more time in her cleats than between the sheets. For 21 years, her Friday nights have consisted of blocking shots rather than taking them. But now that she's landed in Rio, she's ready to see for herself if the rumors about the Olympic Village are true:The athletes are all sex-crazed maniacs, the committee passes out condoms like candy, the games continue long after the medals have been handed out... As Andie walks the line between rumor and reality, she's forced into the path of Frederick Archibald, a decorated Olympic swimmer and owner of a sexy British accent--too bad he's unavailable in a way that "it's complicated" doesn't even begin to explain. In other words: off limits. It doesn't matter that he has abs that could bring peace to the Middle East and a smile that makes even the Queen blush; Andie fully intends on keeping her focus on the soccer field. But the Village is small. Suffocating. Everywhere Andie goes, Freddie happens to be there--shirtless, wet from the pool, and determined to show her a whole new meaning of the phrase "international affairs".

5. THESE ARE THE MOMENTS BY JENNY BRAVO
From Amazon: You can't go back in love... or can you? Wendy Lake... Big dreams. Small bank account. Back home from college, she's the girl with the day job, the girl whose mom still packs her lunches, the girl with the memories she can't shake. Simon Guidry ... The boy who holds her past in his pocket. And maybe her heart, too. This is the story on-again, off-again Wendy and Simon, told in the now and then of their relationship. As the couple is thrown back into each other's lives through their friends' wedding, These Are the Moments dares to ask the questions: Do people ever really change? Do two people, who can never make it work, actually make it right? And most importantly, do they even want to?

6. EIGHTYSIXED BY EMILY BELDEN
From Amazon: Emily Belden has no idea what to do with her twenty-something life (particularly as it pertains to love), which is a tough problem for a hopeless romantic who’s fresh out of a failed relationship. Never one to admit defeat, Emily vows to get back in the dating ring. But the more she tries to get the most out of her Match.com subscription, the deeper down the rabbit hole she goes. While recovering the pieces of her broken heart, Emily’s dating pool soon fills with a classic mix of drug addicts, embezzlers, perverts, and (spoiler alert!) pimps. But just as she begins to believe that a bottle of wine might be her only shot at lifelong happiness, a chance encounter with a man whose path impossibly crosses hers changes the game in a big, big way.

IF YOU'VE READ ANY OTHER BOOKS THAT ARE PERFECT FOR VACATION READS, COMMENT BELOW AND LET ME KNOW SO THAT I CAN CHECK THEM OUT!

Instead of telling you what I read in April, in, well... words, this time I'm literally telling you.

If you're interested in watching me awkwardly read a scene from my newest novel, How To Be Someone Else, you can catch me do so over on my author blog, now.

Writing a book is hard work. Writing a book while working and parenting full-time is even harder.

Here's a little glimpse at how most of my (work) days go.

5AM -- Open my eyes (usually on my own... no alarm necessary) and try to wake up. Get out of bed, pour myself some warm water with lemon, and settle down in the dark family room to write.

5:45-6:15AM -- Some time during this time, my three year old wakes up. Since my husband has already left for work, I'm on my own with getting him breakfast, changed and off to daycare.

8:15AM -- Back from daycare drop-off and my work day begins. I work from home and usually eat lunch at my desk. Sometimes, if I need a break, I will take my laptop into the backyard and write for a few minutes.

4:15PM -- My husband picks up our son from daycare and they immediately head out into the backyard to play while I try to write.

5:30PM -- I start on dinner and we all eat together. After dinner we spend time playing.

7:00PM -- Our son goes into the bath. Usually my husband does this while I tidy up downstairs. Maybe once a week, I head off to a coffee shop to get some writing done, though this hasn't been happening as of late...

7:45PM -- I watch an episode of Handy Manny on the iPad with my son in his bed and then it's lights out.

8:00PM -- If the hubby is up for it, we watch an episode of whatever TV show we're binge watching at the time. If he's out, or not interested, I will start writing.

9:00PM -- If I'm not too tired, I try to write.

9:30 - 10:00PM -- I am not a night owl, so usually by now I'm asleep, hoping for more time tomorrow to write.

And there you have it: the life of an author with a full-time job and a three-year-old.

TELL ME: WHAT DOES YOUR DAY LOOK LIKE?

I'm kind of a sucker for these kinds of posts; where you get a little glimpse into other readers and/or writers. I'm actually surprised that it took me this many years of blogging to finally write one of my own. But, better late than never, right?

Here are a few bookish things about me:

1. I read more physical books than ebooks, simply because I much prefer the feel of a real book in my hands. 
2. If I'm not writing first thing, I get most of my reading in in the half hour I get up before my son.
3. The smell of library books is one of my favorite things.
4. I am rarely found reading without a cup of coffee nearby.
5. I find it impossible to narrow down my choices to a few favorite books. So I don't.
6. I definitely judge books by their covers.
7. You will never see me dog-ear the pages of a book I own or borrowed from someone else (but apparently this doesn't include library books...).
8. I think that my weakness for romance novels stems back to never seeing my mother without a Harlequin romance in her hand as I grew up.
9. The last book I read was "An Unforgivable Love Story" by B.L. Berry
10. I am capable of suffering from terrible book hangovers.
11. Receiving books as gifts is the best. thing. ever.
12. I try to write reviews right after I finish a book so that I don't forget what I want to say about it. And trust me, I will forget if I don't do it right away.
13. I can't read hardcover books with the dust jacket on. It drives me nuts.
14. My favorite genres are probably contemporary romance and literary fiction.
15. If a book keeps coming across my radar (ie, everyone I follow online is blabbing on about it), I'm more than likely going to give in and read it. Case in point: The Love that Split the World.
16. I've written and published three novellas, and am currently working on what will hopefully be my first published novel. 
17. I pretty much always carry a book with me. You never know when you'll be stuck waiting somewhere.
18. Books are my favorite type of home decor.
19. Bookstores are where I go when I need time to myself.
20. I organize the books on my shelves by their spine colors.
21. I share most -- if not all -- of what I read on Instagram, using #rachelreadsthis
22. I'm obsessed with bookish photography (hello crimebythebook and sweptawaybybooks)
23. I get genuinely excited when someone asks me for book recommendations.
24. I am not a fan of audio books. at. all.
25. I go through phases with my favorite authors, but currently I'm majorly crushing on Meg Wolitzer and Emily Henry.

I've gone through periods before where I'm stuck and can't seem to get anything written down. But this... this feels awfully different. Too different. Fresh off the heels of writing and publishing Losing Lily, I dove right into writing BEING LEAH, and to say that it has been an epic struggle would be an understatement.

Obviously, I know how this book is going to go:

Boy and Girl met in previous book; went through some stuff, but found a way to be together. Here is where their real story begins. Only it's not that simple. The past doesn't want to stay in the past. But in the end, love wins, because, hello... everyone wants a HEA (happily ever after). I could choose not to write it that way, but really... I just can't bring myself to. I love these characters. Even I am rooting for them.

This book has been coming along so slowly that I -- the pantser -- actually sat down for an afternoon and laid everything out, plotting my way around this and that. And now I have a plan.

I thought for sure that this would be the answer to my problems. But no.

Still nothing.

I'm not going to call it writer's block, because that feels like I'm letting it win. What I'm going to do is sit down tonight and dig in to it. I mean really dig in to it. And over the course of this week I'm going to see if I can give it the attention it deserves... if I can give it wings to fly... if it has legs...

You get the picture.

Please send all the coffee.

Here's what I read in March:

THE LOVE THAT SPLIT THE WORLD by Emily Henry
I really did enjoy this book, and that's saying a lot, because usually I avoid the YA genre, finding it -- more often than not -- too juvenile for me (and I don't mean that it's juvenile as in bad. I just mean... not age appropriate for me). But I can honestly say that I've never read anything like TLTSTW before. I recall, about 10% of the way through it, turning to my husband and saying "mark my words: this will be a movie."


THE INTERESTINGS by Meg Wolitzer
This is my second Wolitzer book, and just like the first, I was absolutely in awe of her words. She has truly become one of my new favorite authors.


THROUGH HER EYES by Ava Harrison
I was surprised by this book. I wasn't sure that I was going to like it, but I did. It's romantic and very mushy at times, but that's exactly what I was in the mood for. If you're in to supporting indie authors, give this book a shot.


What books have you read lately? What should I read next?