"A portrait of my son, once a week, every week in 2015"
DJ - You are my everything, my sweet, darling, loveable boy. I'll swallow these moments whole.
Twenty-fifteen. It's hard to believe where we are. I have someone else's words echoing in my head, having said it better than I ever could: "I felt like last year I never truly enjoyed the year… I never felt in it. Not being into each task and found myself always floating way to something else. STAY and remember you have time to do it all."
Yes. Just, yes.
++
I'm going to write that today is a good day, because it is. It has been. And I will appreciate that no matter what the rest of the day brings.
++
This morning before I got out of bed, I was catching up on some blog reading on my phone, and I read something particularly moving: "The only thing you need to do to be happy is: suspend judgment on yourself."
++
I was scribbling a note in my Lena Dunham book when I saw DJ approaching me. When he sees a pen of any kind it's as though he has tunnel vision, so I knew he was coming right for it. Without giving it much thought, I pushed the red Pentel pen trough my ponytail before he could notice.
It wasn't until three hours later, after a quick trip to Mc Donalds to procure an iced coffee the size of my head and some serious one-on-one playtime that I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the bedroom. I still had the pen in my hair.
Seeing myself like that: wild, curly hair, donned in a hoodie and jeans with the tell tale pen tucked into my hair, I was transported back to my College days. It was me, years eighteen through twenty-two, back when I thought life was easy and that everything would work out as long as I 1) found a good job post graduation, 2) moved out of my parents house, and 3) never stopped writing.
++
In a little over two months from now I'll be getting my breast implants, and despite my good intentions, I'm terrified of what people are going to think of me. I'm always too concerned with what people will think of me...
++
xo,
rdg
++
xo,
rdg
Week two! After this post, I'm most likely going to be sharing my spreads two weeks at a time every second Monday. Photographing, editing and composing the posts every week is becoming quite tedious, so this is more for my sanity than anything.
DJ - You found these cowboy boots tucked deep in your closet. They were handed down to us and are much too big for you, but you don't seem disturbed. You love slipping your feet into them and clomping around upstairs for minutes on end.
For as far back as I can remember, there has always been a correlation between what I'm reading and what I'm writing, as in: the better reading I do, the better my writing. In the past two weeks I have read some truly amazing books, blogs and articles, and they have inspired me so much that I wanted to share them with all of you.
1. Just you wait - "When you calmly respond that "nope, not quite yet!" the person will shake their head, smile wisely and say slowly in the most terrifying voice, "Just you wait." " Elise has always had a way with words, but as a mother of a 22 month old, this particular post really hit home.
2. Why all 20-somethings should journal - "Nowadays it’s easy to get caught up in all the things going on outside of ourselves," says the author, and I couldn't agree more. As someone who began journaling at the ripe age of seven, it is something that I cannot imagine ever stopping, and what has helped me through many troubling periods in my life.
3. 30 Life things I Try and Remember - I only recently discovered Emma Gannon, and my goodness, I didn't know what I was missing. From "A good song in the morning can change your day" to "Don’t listen to everything your idol has to say" I found myself nodding along to everything on her list.
4. Why we all need a platonic soulmate - "It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of finding The One, and it’s even easier to get caught up in the reality of our culture’s obsession with coupling up. But it’s important to remember that it is completely okay to focus on your friends as the great loves of your life if that’s what makes you happy." Need I really say more?
5. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, by Cheryl Strayed - If I owned the copy that I read instead of borrowing it from the library it would have been covered in underlines and highlighter marks. I was so blown away by her advice, but also by how she so thoroughly injected stories of her past into her responses.
6. Other women aren't the competition - "Her success is not your failure, her destination isn’t your own," Megs writes (and women around the world break into applause). I was so moved by this post, had so many moments where I nodded along and thought: yes, she is right.
7. The only thing you need to be happy is this - Must. keep. this. in. mind (and save myself a loooottttttt of trouble)
8. Practical advice when kids have too much stuff - Stop buying it. Lead by example. Say "just one." All so great, all so true. A good read for all the parents out there.
9. 20 Little things I've learned life is too short for - "Worrying about those five pounds. Nobody but you knows they exist." AMEN. Just... AMEN.
10. I Bought a plant - You may think it's a blog post about a plant, which it kind of is, but it's really more about radical self-love. A must read by the always incredible Meg Fee.
3. 30 Life things I Try and Remember - I only recently discovered Emma Gannon, and my goodness, I didn't know what I was missing. From "A good song in the morning can change your day" to "Don’t listen to everything your idol has to say" I found myself nodding along to everything on her list.
4. Why we all need a platonic soulmate - "It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of finding The One, and it’s even easier to get caught up in the reality of our culture’s obsession with coupling up. But it’s important to remember that it is completely okay to focus on your friends as the great loves of your life if that’s what makes you happy." Need I really say more?
5. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, by Cheryl Strayed - If I owned the copy that I read instead of borrowing it from the library it would have been covered in underlines and highlighter marks. I was so blown away by her advice, but also by how she so thoroughly injected stories of her past into her responses.
6. Other women aren't the competition - "Her success is not your failure, her destination isn’t your own," Megs writes (and women around the world break into applause). I was so moved by this post, had so many moments where I nodded along and thought: yes, she is right.
7. The only thing you need to be happy is this - Must. keep. this. in. mind (and save myself a loooottttttt of trouble)
8. Practical advice when kids have too much stuff - Stop buying it. Lead by example. Say "just one." All so great, all so true. A good read for all the parents out there.
9. 20 Little things I've learned life is too short for - "Worrying about those five pounds. Nobody but you knows they exist." AMEN. Just... AMEN.
10. I Bought a plant - You may think it's a blog post about a plant, which it kind of is, but it's really more about radical self-love. A must read by the always incredible Meg Fee.
For as far back as I can remember, there has always been a correlation between what I'm reading and what I'm writing, as in: the better reading I do, the better my writing. In the past two weeks I have read some truly amazing books, blogs and articles, and they have inspired me so much that I wanted to share them with all of you.
1. Just you wait - "When you calmly respond that "nope, not quite yet!" the person will shake their head, smile wisely and say slowly in the most terrifying voice, "Just you wait." " Elise has always had a way with words, but as a mother of a 22 month old, this particular post really hit home.
2. Why all 20-somethings should journal - "Nowadays it’s easy to get caught up in all the things going on outside of ourselves," says the author, and I couldn't agree more. As someone who began journaling at the ripe age of seven, it is something that I cannot imagine ever stopping, and what has helped me through many troubling periods in my life.
3. 30 Life things I Try and Remember - I only recently discovered Emma Gannon, and my goodness, I didn't know what I was missing. From "A good song in the morning can change your day" to "Don’t listen to everything your idol has to say" I found myself nodding along to everything on her list.
3. 30 Life things I Try and Remember - I only recently discovered Emma Gannon, and my goodness, I didn't know what I was missing. From "A good song in the morning can change your day" to "Don’t listen to everything your idol has to say" I found myself nodding along to everything on her list.
Happy Wednesday!
As a follow up to showing you volume one of my 2014 Project Life album, here's a look at volume two. I love watching this and looking back at all the different page designs, embellishments and papers I used. As you can tell, I really enjoy experimenting.
As a follow up to showing you volume one of my 2014 Project Life album, here's a look at volume two. I love watching this and looking back at all the different page designs, embellishments and papers I used. As you can tell, I really enjoy experimenting.
* Project Life is a product, system and a lifestyle created by Becky Higgins. In 2015, I'm creating a spread for each week of the year. Here are all of my pages from 2013, 2014 + 2015.
We've had it easy so far this winter here in Las Vegas. There was a week of bone-chilling cold, and then things warmed up again. Christmas has gone, New Years is a memory, and January is in full effect.
This morning I'm thinking about the here and now.
things currently on the table.
laptop in need of charging
half-burnt candle
a discarded banana peel
things that haunt me.
disposing of my college journals.
all the stories I haven't written.
the self-depricating voices in the back of my head.
things I want to do but won't.
learn to surf.
go jeans shopping.
stop being envious of others.
the type of woman I want to be.
forgiving
ambitious
patient
what I'm working on.
myself
my marriage
writing. always writing.
things I've loved lately.
tiny beautiful things
red lipstick
ending every day reading
a new year
p.s. spring + summer lists.
"A portrait of my son, once a week, every week in 2015"
DJ - I am in constant awe of your personality that is shaping right in front of our eyes. Already, I see so much of your daddy and I in you, both good and bad traits. You make me so proud.
I love the show, GIRLS, I do. From the moment I finished the pilot episode I knew I was hooked, and I watched all three available seasons in quick succession. But something happened this time around that made my heart ache.
It started when Marnie stopped by at 6am to see Hannah off. As they struggle to get her suitcase zipped up, Hannah pulls her friend into a long, heartfelt hug... and the aching in my chest exploded.
I can empathize with Hannah. I know what
it's like to leave the security of your home, and everything and
everyone you know, and move on to a new chapter in your life, hoping
that you're heading towards something amazing, something that will
define you and shape you into the person you so desperately want to be.
January 22nd will mark four years since I left my friends, family and everything behind to move to Las Vegas. There has and always will be a hole in my chest for all that remains back in Canada, and witnessing that desperate hug among two best friends really hit hard. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my life back home.
And so, as Hannah and Marnie hugged, I cried. I cried for all that I am missing - all the coffee dates and parties and milestones - and what my friends and family are in turn missing in regards to my life. Distance is isolating, lonely and deafening, and I often wonder if and when it will ever get any easier. Yet as the episode ended with Hannah in the back seat of her parents car on the way to the airport, I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and took a deep breath.
I am stronger than Hannah Horvath, this I know.
I'll be okay.
And so, as Hannah and Marnie hugged, I cried. I cried for all that I am missing - all the coffee dates and parties and milestones - and what my friends and family are in turn missing in regards to my life. Distance is isolating, lonely and deafening, and I often wonder if and when it will ever get any easier. Yet as the episode ended with Hannah in the back seat of her parents car on the way to the airport, I wiped my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and took a deep breath.
I am stronger than Hannah Horvath, this I know.
I'll be okay.
Since before my son DJ was born in March 2013, I have been writing to him in the form of a book made up mostly of words of guidance that I hope he will hold dear to him as he grows older.
In this day and age, where we are inundated with
“perfect” images of everyones' “perfect” lives across social media, I found
this particular letter to be of utter importance.
--
Son,
If you take away only one thing from this book, DJ,
please let it be this: just be yourself.
You are good enough. Most people are afraid to do
things because they are afraid they’re not good enough, afraid they’ll fail.
But you are good enough — learn that and you won’t be afraid of new things,
won’t be afraid to fail, won’t need the approval of others. You’ll be
pre-approved — by yourself.
There will be people that cross your path that will
try to tell you that you aren’t good enough – not smart enough, not pretty
enough, or athletic enough. I’m here to tell you that whoever you are, the kind
of person that you grow up to be, will always be enough. You will always be enough.
You will find out that there are people in life who
feel poorly about themselves, and think that the only way they can build
themself up and feel better about themself is by tearing others down. These
people, DJ, are more insecure and confused about themselves than you could ever
possibly be. Do not let them get you down.
Don’t be afraid of who you are. Don’t be afraid to be
yourself, whoever that may be. DJ I promise you that there won’t be anything
you can do to make your father and I stop loving you. Be proud of who you are
and where you came from. You are the product of two parents who love you so
fiercely and wholly. You were created in me, grown in me. You are a part of me,
and my body. Nothing you can do would or could ever change that.
This next one can be tough, DJ. I know from personal
experience that so much of growing up is discovering where you fit in, and so
sometimes that means you try on a lot of different hats. Still, don’t try to be
someone else, whomever you think you should be, meaning: don’t dumb yourself
down for someone, or pretend to be into basketball, or ballet, or boxing, when
you really aren’t. There is such a thing as compromise, yes, but it is
different than claiming to like something when you don’t. Don’t pretend that
you’re in to reading if you’re not. Don’t take an art class just to impress a
girl, take it because it is something new and different and it will challenge you.
Just be yourself. You’re already amazing.
Welcome to the first of 12 blog hops from the 2014 Becky Higgins Project
Creative Team! We are all passionate about Project Life and we wanted to continue to inspire each other and you as we
move forward in 2015.
In case you missed it, I talked about my plans for Project Life 2015 here. For now, here's a look at week one.
"A portrait of my son, once a week, every week in 2015"
DJ - This week I've seen a real shift in the toys you play with. As in, there are a select few. As a result, I've packed up a lot of your toys, put some aside for hand me downs, and put the others in your toy chest upstairs. I love that you're taking more of an interest in the puzzles and blocks these days.
I never really considered not continuing on with this project this year since I ended up capturing some great moments last year. My hopes for 2015 are to really focus on telling a story with my images. What my son is loving these days, what frustrates him, what we do together as a family.
Holy crap guys, another year of Project Life is in the books. I sound like I'm exaggerating when I say it, but discovering PL and Becky Higgins has made such an impact in my life.
I'm still so happy that a new year has begun. I don't know about you all, but a new year always seems like a fresh start to me. This year, I'm looking to get messier and more intentional about what I create and put out into the world. To start things off, I've got two new digital releases to share with you today.
I'm doing something for me, something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but haven't had the gumption to actually try. I'm doing a Whole 30, as of yesterday.
Anytime I mention this to people, I get the same response: "You don't need to lose weight!" Well, no, I don't. I'm actually at my ideal weight right now. For me, taking on Whole 30 isn't about weight loss. More than anything, it's about curiosity. I want to know if what they're all saying is true: that I'll have more energy (helloooooo, I'm tired ALL.THE.TIME), that I will experience less digestive issues, that my skin will look and feel better... that I will feel better all around.
I'm not going to go into plan specifics right now, I simply wanted to let you all know what I'm up to. Why? If I voice my plans out loud, then I'm more accountable. Peer pressure man, in this case, it can be useful.
Off to the races, friends!
Happy 2015! How it got to be here so quickly, I will never know! Here is the last week of of Project Life 2014 album!
I've been following this capsule wardrobe trend pretty closely for nearly a year, all the while knowing that it was something I wanted to try, but never making the jump. Well, I'm finally ready and willing! For the next three months, my wardrobe will be greatly simplified.Now, I'm a total jeans and t-shirt kinda gal, and I like to be comfortable, so my winter capsule wardrobe is composed of a lot of simple, comfy items, a mix of both old and new.
TOPS: grey waterfall cardigan years back from suzy shier, black and white striped sweater last year from suzy shier, camel waterfall cardigan from target, Loft long black cardigan (similar here), Burberry plaid shirt (hand me down! similar here), hollister hoodie from last year.
BOTTOMS: AE black skinny jeans (a new purchase), lucky brand jeans, black tights... always!, nike activewear pants (hand me downs), old navy rockstar jeans, plaid skirt.
SHOES: mossimo riding boots from last year, similar here, black flats (well-loved as you can see), old + dirty emu boots, HA! smilar here, heeled boots found at Ross last year, new Nike runners, my newest addition to my wardrobe and everyday black pumps.
OUTERWEAR: mossimo parka (a new purchase for this winter), hollister vest from last year, similar here, danier leather jacket purchased many moons ago.
All in all, it comes to a total of 33 items.
Are you using a capsule wardrobe this winter? I would love to hear from you.
All in all, it comes to a total of 33 items.
Are you using a capsule wardrobe this winter? I would love to hear from you.